so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
