She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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