; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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