drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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