And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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