If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You work out of a Hotel?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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