your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
