I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
