I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
