Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
