Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
