Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
