Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
