Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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