he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
