i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
