It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
