dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
