I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
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One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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