I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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