The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
