wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
