is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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