the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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