Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
