and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
