So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
