me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
