i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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