grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
