oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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