i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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