i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
