my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
