quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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