census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
