Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
love makes seman taste better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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