She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
bring money and cleavage
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
