You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
