Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
