someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
