You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
