We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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