my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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