I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
