Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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