She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
