I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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