Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
