Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
