man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
