It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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