I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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