he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
