I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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