I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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