I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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