At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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