Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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