What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
