i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
