I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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