There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
