If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
