You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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