Me too!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
