i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
