i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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