The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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