Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
