I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
then he tried to convert me to islam
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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